12/25/16 – Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Wake 6am. Airport. Kuala Lumpur. Buy bus ticket from a group of Muslim girls who are flirting with me. One asks me if they can have my hat, so I tell them I'll trade it for her Hijab. Bus to downtown. Check into hostel. All Asians at hostel. Entirely Asian Christmas, aka, no Christmas. Walk around downtown. All Indian. Feel like I'm not in Asia. Vegetarian restaurants everywhere. Muslim hipster riding a fixed gear. Circle A's everywhere. Cool place, KL.
Go on date. Nandini. Hindu, with the dot. Fuck up her name off the bat so she is pissed. I can't be bothered. I'm trying to be funny but the humor is not translating. Talk about politics. Talk about whatever. Bar is expensive and western and lame. I have a few and try to get her to bring me to some legit bars. She explains to me there is no “dive local” type bars because drinking isn't popular in Malaysia or something. I'm not sure weather to believe her or she is just keeping westerners out of the cool bars. Go to a more “local” place. Still bullshit expensive western bars, but with Malaysians. Walk around to find another bar. I have nothing to say. I say “Okay, maybe if it's smart if we go.” She says, “So, does that mean you're coming to mine?” I say, “...Sure.” Her apartment. Smells like incense and curry. Put on Bollywood. Bang. Pass out.
12/26/16
Wake. Head back to hostel. Rainy city days. Lay around a while longer. Eat more bomb cheap vegetarian fake meat dishes. There's a certain amount of Jainism in Hinduism and some of them don't believe in hurting cute little animals. Don't really do shit but walk around some more. Don't remember. Pass out.
12/27/16
Wake. Flight to London tomorrow morning. Go to Battan Caves in the morning. Bunch of monkeys eating trash gathered on stairs that lead to caves that look over city. Pretty cool. Head back. More pouring rain. Sit around a while on Tinder. Get another date. Really cute Muslim girl. It's not that I was trying to bang a Buddhist, Hindu, and Muslim before the end of my trip. But I was totally trying.
Sara. Meet at a bar outside of downtown a ways. Still western and shitty. If you didn't know she was from Sudan you'd swear she was just some typical sassy sarcastic New York asshole. Talking about how she is in Malaysia for school. Her family is super traditional Muslim, and she is Muslim and prays and wears a Hijab when she is home, but questions her faith and family and all that progressive sort of stuff. I ask her a million questions, including about sex, of which I yell out “YOU'RE A VIRGIN??” at a bar full of people. She's embarrassed. I'm still blown away. I tell her I'm not going to sleep because I have an early flight to catch and I'll just sleep on the plane. She stays up with me. She lives across the street. I'm making fun of her because she listens to John Mayor and Cold Play and telling her we should go to her place to listen to them. We go to her place. Cuddle in bed a while. We make out and I suck on her boobs a while. She doesn't let me take off her pants. Fair, virgin Muslim. I leave to catch my flight. Pass out on plane.
Wake 6am. Airport. Kuala Lumpur. Buy bus ticket from a group of Muslim girls who are flirting with me. One asks me if they can have my hat, so I tell them I'll trade it for her Hijab. Bus to downtown. Check into hostel. All Asians at hostel. Entirely Asian Christmas, aka, no Christmas. Walk around downtown. All Indian. Feel like I'm not in Asia. Vegetarian restaurants everywhere. Muslim hipster riding a fixed gear. Circle A's everywhere. Cool place, KL.
Go on date. Nandini. Hindu, with the dot. Fuck up her name off the bat so she is pissed. I can't be bothered. I'm trying to be funny but the humor is not translating. Talk about politics. Talk about whatever. Bar is expensive and western and lame. I have a few and try to get her to bring me to some legit bars. She explains to me there is no “dive local” type bars because drinking isn't popular in Malaysia or something. I'm not sure weather to believe her or she is just keeping westerners out of the cool bars. Go to a more “local” place. Still bullshit expensive western bars, but with Malaysians. Walk around to find another bar. I have nothing to say. I say “Okay, maybe if it's smart if we go.” She says, “So, does that mean you're coming to mine?” I say, “...Sure.” Her apartment. Smells like incense and curry. Put on Bollywood. Bang. Pass out.
12/26/16
Wake. Head back to hostel. Rainy city days. Lay around a while longer. Eat more bomb cheap vegetarian fake meat dishes. There's a certain amount of Jainism in Hinduism and some of them don't believe in hurting cute little animals. Don't really do shit but walk around some more. Don't remember. Pass out.
12/27/16
Wake. Flight to London tomorrow morning. Go to Battan Caves in the morning. Bunch of monkeys eating trash gathered on stairs that lead to caves that look over city. Pretty cool. Head back. More pouring rain. Sit around a while on Tinder. Get another date. Really cute Muslim girl. It's not that I was trying to bang a Buddhist, Hindu, and Muslim before the end of my trip. But I was totally trying.
Sara. Meet at a bar outside of downtown a ways. Still western and shitty. If you didn't know she was from Sudan you'd swear she was just some typical sassy sarcastic New York asshole. Talking about how she is in Malaysia for school. Her family is super traditional Muslim, and she is Muslim and prays and wears a Hijab when she is home, but questions her faith and family and all that progressive sort of stuff. I ask her a million questions, including about sex, of which I yell out “YOU'RE A VIRGIN??” at a bar full of people. She's embarrassed. I'm still blown away. I tell her I'm not going to sleep because I have an early flight to catch and I'll just sleep on the plane. She stays up with me. She lives across the street. I'm making fun of her because she listens to John Mayor and Cold Play and telling her we should go to her place to listen to them. We go to her place. Cuddle in bed a while. We make out and I suck on her boobs a while. She doesn't let me take off her pants. Fair, virgin Muslim. I leave to catch my flight. Pass out on plane.
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