Lima, Peru, Part II

Mon 12/7 - Lima, Peru, Part II

Return to Lima. Long walk from bus station to house. No internet. Yell through Lima girlfriend Veronica’s window 90's style. Reunited embrace. Shit awful ugly dog that is constantly jumping on you and biting you. Google "ugliest dog in the world" and you'll find half the pictures are the Peruvian dog. Relax. Too tired from bus to go out. Pass out in familiar arms.

Tues 12/8

Day drinking. Something is wrong. Seems forced. Missing. Reliving the past of one month ago for five days when we stumbled clumsily drunk and enamored. Can stagnation set in in less than week? Maybe I'm being crazy. We buy big beers in the fours. Eight. Twelve. Meet her best friend E2 (pretty sure that's not how to spell his name). Go to his place. Beers still multiplying. E2 and I are hanging. Dude is great. He has nothing but the best things to about her. Hours later says "something is wrong with Veronica." Veronica is in a sour mood. We head back to her place. Very drunk slop sex. Pass out.

Wed 12/9

Awake. I ask her what was the matter. She shrugs. "E2 thinks I might have been about you? I don’t remember." Begin plummeting self-conscious introverted dark paranoid head spiral. Go to beach mostly in silence. She is sour again. I buy us fancy meal in pathetic attempt to repair what I don’t know. Running through the routine. Now we are both bored. The tired half forced smiles. She is upset. I get more self-conscious and project and I become upset. I take everything personally. I hear of punk show. Go to bar with her. No punk show. Sit and drink. No one is at the bar. Watch skate videos. At least we are both happier when we drink. Return to apartment. Pass out.

Thurs 12/10

That still one hundred pound hot breath that exits your lungs like a super thick gritty soft serve machine. Close your eyes in desperation to return to sleep. That feeling like you've been in a relationship and it's far past stale. Maid is coming. No sex. She is working. Love is dead. I keep myself occupied most of the morning but transition into a mini panic attack. Try to get any sort of attention from her. She is done. This is all in my head. She is busy. I'm laying next to her like a shitty dog waiting to be pet. A fucking treat is all I ask for. Without asking. It's implied. Right? If someone is living in your house you are indebted for at least a little attention from time to time right? After the sweetest first days we spent a month ago. After all of the pining messages filling the in between. And now I just lay guessing at what she is thinking. Probably just about work. She has got a lot of work. Surely she has minute. She is done with me. Or she is crazy. She is probably crazy. She told me she never went to a single one of her X's shows. That's so mean. She is just a mean person. The honeymoon phase was very sweet and very short. At any rate I should go. But I'm imagining all of this. If I stay it will all become better. Am I crazy? No she is crazy. Should i just tell her how i’m feeling? No of course not. I’m not dragging her into my weird made up world of insecurities and ghosts. My projections have nothing to do with her. Will I be a totally crazy dick if I just leave with an hours notice? Who gives a shit anyway? She's not my girlfriend. She's some girl I met on my phone. But she can be so sweet and really maybe cares about me. But she is totally crazy. But a little crazy needs to be forgiven. I tell her "I'm debating leaving right now" she says "what? calm down." These are wise words. Logical, uncompassionate, and swift. I'm totally bat shit crazy. I grab my bag and leave to the free art museum.

Museum is boring. Pots a plates and jewelry and shit. Literally that history art museum that you went to on a field trip and you would rather lay in the middle of the floor and die. Catch three dollar tour bus to San Cristóbal vista. Tried to catch for sunset but it circled the square so many times to pick people up I missed sunset. Typical NYC sightseeing bus. Drive through barrios. People getting hit in the face by branches and shoes hanging from telephone wire. Vista is pretty and Lima looks like Shinra from FFVII. Return Veronica house. She is staying late for class. I start drinking in her house alone. She returns cold as ever. I announce that I’m buying a bus ticket for next day in hopes for any sort of reaction. Any sort of “no don’t go!” or even a “how sad but it's the way it is.” I get nothing. She won't stop staring at her phone. Falls asleep. I angrily jerk off in her bathroom. Pass out.

Fri 12/11

Wake up. Immediately staring at her phone. Begin my first relationship fight partially in Spanish. I say something like "...what the fuck happened?" She says something like "huh?" I say something like "you have been so cold to me the last few days" she shrugs and says something like "oh yeah, I know, that's how I am. I do that to even with my best friends." I take a moment to prepare a rebuttal for the bullshit that just poured out of her mouth. I take a deep breath and say very calmly something like "you deceitful monster you can't take a piece of my already fucked insecure heart and play your shit games. You send me sweet messages for a month and get me back here to ignore me because it’s what you do? You are wasting your time and mine (you demon fuck)." To which she says something like "I didn't know" to which I said something like "You're thirty. There’s no way you’ve gone this far through life and don’t get it."  to which she says "Sorry." I say nothing. I try to have sex with her a last time. She says no. I take my bag and leave a fake goodbye.

Couldn't buy tickets online so I'm back to the bus game of "Just go to the terminal and figure it out." There's no terminal. Every company has it's own building. A lot of companies have multiple buildings across the city. I deal with this shit for a while. Two taxis and a lot of walking later I find the most "Economic" bus with brand name. Mother and two fucking kids is sitting next to me. Kids spilling onto my seat shitting themselves and clinging to the side of my face screaming while their mom beats them. Seat STILL doesn’t recline all the way. Meet a dude from Colombia who is just absolutely the sweetest. Second person I met from Colombia and their stereotype of being super sweet people is proving itself. Got to get to Colombia. Pass out, sort of.