11/23/16
– Bangkok, Thailand, Part II
Rene
goes to work. I get a hostel in Khaosan area. Born Free Hostel –
Vista. For the first time on this trip, I'm alone. Hang out for most of the day trying to decide where to go from
here. I don't trust the internet. I don't trust the shitty kids with
out of tune acoustic guitars around me. I don't know where to go or
what to do. Get on Tinder determined to hang with a Thai person
before I leave Bangkok. So many questions about their weird
nationalism, politics, cultural quarks, etc etc etc. Spend all day
chatting with Thai people. No luck. Last minute talk to some girl
from Oregon. NGO living in China and Mongolia our here for business
meeting. Invited me to Red Sky Bar on 56th floor of
skyscraper. I oblige.
Meet
Cali 11pm for drinks. Enter through mega mall. Rooftop jazz band.
Everything is glowing blue. Drinks are ungodly expensive. I've,
literally, never been to a bar this fancy. Talk about her job –
training farmers and women how to use software for collecting data to
report to places like Gate's Foundation so they can develop
infrastructure and lend each other money to sell their product. Evil?
Likely. Talked about my job - .... Talked about travel, politics,
robots, the future, etc. Close down the bar. Head to cab. First cab
wants too much money from her. I offer to drop her off in my Uber
(which is, by the way, so fucking cheap in Bangkok. Half hour ride =
$2). Get in Uber. Neck in the back of the Uber. Pulls me into her
expensive company hotel. Finger in her ass and she cums down my
throat, etc. Get 45 min sleep. She is going to airport. I'm standing
outside the hotel on the curb waiting for another Uber at 5am. Arrive
hostel. Pass out.
11/24/16
Wake.
Hang with Rene. Find
book store coffee shop that appeals to my hipster sensibility. Fanon
and Bulgakov translated into Thai. Ask dude who looks like he might
know "fringe" shit where the "cool" stuff is.
Tells us about an indie festival a few hours down the coast. Search
the word "punk" into couch surfing and message a dozen
people looking for where the "cool" stuff is. Guy gives me
a list of venues and bars and show including contact promoters who to
get in touch with in case my band ever wants to play, lol. Vintage
scooter bar. East coast Indian guy talking lots of shit. Talked
to some English guy about where he's been. He travels for historical sights. That's refreshing.
Finish
a bottle of scotch. Head to Khaosan Fucking Disaster Zone, and it's
not even the weekend. Walk back and forth watching twenty somethings
grind and a few creepy old guys peppered in. Khaosan is the NASCAR “I
watch it for the crashes” effect. Meet a Colombian dude. Steal a
bunch of his cigarettes. We hang for a while. They're suddenly
playing a shit ton of Pitbull and reggaeton. I'm freaking out
dancing. The Colombian hates it, lol. Meet a couple Thai girls. One
is hanging on me and dancing with me and wearing my hat. Kisses my
head. They Take off. Me and Colombian hang and drink some more. An
hour later the friend of the girl who kissed my head is alone. I slur
“where'd your friend go?” She is gone. I hang with this girl.
Walk with her down the street. Sit next to each other on a curb. Talk
for a while. I, think, she's, into me? Yada jobs yada travel yada
aspirations. I touch her arm and kiss her head. She gives a cute
squeal giggle. I have no idea what that means? It become apparent
after a few more sequel giggles she's just being nice? Like, she
needs to be nice? For the record, and I find this out later, Thais
just need to be nice. Like Californians. But not even passive
aggressive. Just, fake, nice. Ew. Walk her to her cab. Wave goodbye. Pass
out.
11/25/16
Wake. Hungover for the first time on the trip. Can't remember what I did all day. Probably walked around with my headphones in making worthless observations or something and stressed out about travel plans and ate some bomb fucking veggie curry for $2.50. Go to haircut shop. Lady is gently tapping the side of my head with buzzers and a comb. Guy is pointing at my head and speaking Thai trying to instruct her. I keep showing them a picture. Buzzer explodes falls to the ground and is making grinding noise. Sprays some WD40 on it and continues. I visually look terrified. Completely fucks up my hair, which I didn't think was possible, because I have no hair. Run back to hostel in pouring rain.
Girl
into ropes. Mallika. Meet up with her at mall. Go to some dive bar
with smoke and soccer. For the first time on my whole trip surrounded
by only Thai people. She's a geologist getting her PHD. Explains the
weird at times fake niceness of Thai people. Explains the traditional
types vs those who are beginning to use logic and critical thinking.
I ask about the King. To my surprise, this extremely educated person
is absolutely devastated about the King. This shit is real. She
explains that he really was like a father and she has no idea where
her country is going because this guy united them all for good. Feels
like she is talking about a parent that just died. Crazy. Absolutely
can't relate.
Talk
about kink. Sex. BDSM parties. She didn't bring her ropes. I'm
bummed. Say we should get a place. She knows a place nearby by the
hour. The bed has only a top sheet and some pillows and a TV. Smells
like mildew. She goes down on me. For one solid, dunken minute of her
going down on me, I think to myself – “Wait.... Could this be a
ladyboy? Did I really study her physique? Did I
ever think to indirectly ask? Did I ever hint to her that, if she
was, this would be a problem for me?” The fear is real. Pussy
seems legit. Bang. I've never had someone eat my asshole so
meticulously. Not as dommy as she led me to believe. I'm a little
disappointed. Still fun. Leave hotel. Go to hostel.
But
don't go to hostel. Tell cab driver to drive a few blocks further and
drop me off at Khaosan so I can see it on a Friday night. Scene: Girl
puking in bag. Business suit guy limping in cast. Girl combo
punching other girl in the face. Casual dining while huffing
balloons. People hanging off of cop trucks. So many girls crying. The
shittiest Oasis cover imaginable and tank top bros actually dancing
to it. Hottest girls from every country everywhere singing the the
same and only shitty Queen song. The nicest female ass hanging off the biggest male tribal
bicep. I'm debating if this is hell, or I just picked the wrong
scene.
Ladyboy
asks me if I want a drink. I'm eating noodles and can't be bothered.
She is persistent. I'm still in a “just had my asshole licked for
ten minutes” sort of daze and don't care much about anything. I
oblige. Buy her a drink. After a while of talking about boring stuff
I say “Hey, so I'm gonna ask you a question, you're probably going
to get mad... are you originally a lady?” She says: “Yes.” I'm
taken off guard and have this moment of being really upset because
either I'm hanging out with a beautiful lady and need to decide if
I'm going to succumb to her advances, or I'm being blatantly
lied to by a guy and I thought we could just chill and eat noodles
together. She then says “but if you ask, you must like me, just a
little, right?” I'm now relaxed again because this whatever
gendered fucker is up to something and I have no idea what. Like, if
I go back to her place, which she invites me to, either: a) I'll see
she doesn't have a real pussy, and I'll be pissed. b) she's going to
try to charge me money, and I'll be pissed c) she's just really drunk
and really wants to fuck and all it takes is to stand on the side of
the road and eat noodles to impress her, of which there's a higher
chance of me getting aids, of which I'll be pissed d) she's just a
dude who's going to fucking rob me? Pissed. Anyway, I say no, she
takes off and grabs another guy in front of me. Fucking, weird. Go
back to hostel. Pass out.
11/26/16
Wake.
She messages me and invites me to private invite only BDSM party.
Oregon rich NGO girl is also back in town for a lay over for the
night and has invited me into her fancy hotel. I'm stressed measuring
the prospects of “A bunch of Thais in ropes and gear walking around
other masked people on leashes and weird sex” or “A nice classy
night with a free hotel and a night of dim lit food and drink and
regular sex.” I seriously spent the afternoon launching myself into
a mini existential crisis that quickly escalates into “Who am I? Am
I someone that chooses the path less comfortable, the choice that
will be a story, the choice that will drive me to new experiences no
matter the cost?” or “Dim lights, cocktails, and sufficient
English is pretty tight.”
Turn
down the BDSM party. Who am I. Meet up with Cali. She offers me a
beer out of the mini bar and I drink it in the shower. No regrets. Go
to Sushi. Raw fish and Saki. Go to bar I've been told to see called
The Iron Fairies. New York artist designed bar – looks like indie
meets steam punk meets a half ton of back lit glitters. Still a
shitty cover band playing – which leaves the count at 1 out of 5000
original bands I've seen. Belgium beer. On my way to drunk. Go
on hunt for local “prohibition bar” she was showed by someone sometime? Walk down ally. Some guy pulls back curtains. Super dark
bar, dudes in 1950's suits, and every expensive liquor piled on thick
oak. Drink two of the best cocktails I've had in my life, including a
top shelf whiskey shower with a sprig of... something that smelt like
a Christmas tree. Bill for four drinks is $70. She picks it up. I'm
wasted. Head back to hotel. Sloppy sex I don't really remember. Pass
out.
11/27/16
Wake.
She leaves at 7am. I just stay in her hotel room until noon. Go to
airport. Flight to Hanoi, Vietnam. Check in. Can't check in.
Apparently “Visa on Arrival” isn't as simple as “Visa on
Arrival.” Miss flight. After seriously hours of Google and
Starbucks, figure out not only do I need to pay a shit ton of money
or wait a few days for visa processing, but also Vietnam has now only
made year long visas available to US citizens which costs at the
least $200. I guess they're still mad about the carpet bombing most
of their country thing, and kids still blowing up today after finding
bombs thing. But freedom ain't free. Decide to go to Cambodia
instead. Stay in Bangkok for the night.
11/28/16 - Kanchanaburi, Thailand
Wake
6am. So proud of myself for being up early AND being sober. Catch
third class train to Kanchanaburi – town a few hours north west of
Bangkok on the mountains. Train is shitty and mostly made of wood and
amazing and the windows are down so the country side is blowing into
my face. Train randomly halts and spasms and knocks over old people
who just sort of laugh. Arrive Kanchanaburi. Immediately rent scooter
for 24 hours. $6. Blast arround town. Drop off bag at hostel. Blast
back through town weaving through traffic (which is totally legal)
and escape into the mountains. Snaked and newly paved roads. Gangster
rap. Get the scooter going about 60 mph. Soooo much
fucking fun.
Arrive
Earawan Falls. Want almost $10 to get in. Whatever. Walk paved
tourist road weaving in and out of one hundred Russian tourists. Six
waterfalls. On top of one another. Totally gorgeous. Totally
touristy. Swim in them. Giant fish everywhere and are trying to eat
me. Spend a few hours. Miss scooter. Get back on Scooter. Head back
to town. But first take random pull off into mountains. Roads get
skinnier and skinnier until turning into narrow little dirt paths
running around agriculture. Off road scooters. Go until paths are too
shitty to continue. Turn off bike. So quiet. Probably the first time
on this whole trip I haven't heard an engine moaning in the distance.
Breath. Get back on bike. Head to town. Eat something. Do some
computer work. Tomorrow heading East toward Cambodia with a stop on
Koh Chang Island. Pass out.
The average SE Asia Tinder Convo
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