Tues 11/3/15 - Lima, Peru.
Land in Lima. 10pm. First step outside the airport swept by the shouting crowds of taxi drivers. Asked if I want cocaine within the first minute. No internet at airport. I have no idea where I’m going. Ask a taxi. Walk in the assumed direction of my hostel. Dark silhouetted industry peaks over glass lined walls. Being followed by a shouting pack of dogs. I’m a gringo with a huge backpack. Some dude passes me and takes his hand out of his pocket real fast. He laughs. Find hostel. Pass out.
Wed 11/4
Morning. Call an Uber to go to my hostel in Miraflores (pretty safe white people inspired zone). Uber driver is Peruvian but lived in NYC for six years. Peruvian Brooklyn accent. Cars are swerving in and out of each other and laying down their horns. I make lame “This traffic is worse than NYC!” joke. He makes lame “Yeah but less black people” racist joke. Nathaniel Rateliff comes on the radio. I’m in awe. Saw that guy play in a backyard next to x-girlfriends house. Check into hostel. Find food. $3.50 for massive fish plate and drink. I eat fish now. Return to hostel to rest off the remainders of Fest. Before I know it fingers creep across the screen to the ol’ faithful Tinder. After a half hour I have, no shit, fifty matches. Half of which are attractive. Half of which already messaged me. I asked a girl out. She says yes.
We meet at a bar near my hostel. Something is immediately weird. We take a taxi to another bar. It takes me a little bit, but this very pretty lady, was absolutely originally a man. My initial feeling is simply deceit. I say fuck it and buy beers for her and her friend who is crying from a breakup and there for some reason. I try to flirt with her a little. More than anything I wanted to be in her (Tinder dates) head. This obviously isn’t her first time. “Is he on to me? Does he care? He is buying drinks… will this work?” while I’m thinking “does this usually work? Is she on to me being on to her? should I just leave now? Should I be upset? Should I ask her all about her life and see if she ever brings it up?” Long story short I had two wristbands for free admission and drinks to a club and made her go with me. The club is full of Ameri-bros and there is a clown spinning a hoop on a small stage in the middle of the dance floor. Which is weird. They don’t give me a free drink. She goes to piss. I exit.
Thurs 11/5
Set to walk about morning city. Coast is a massive corroded shelf cut with flower etched pathways leading to the ghosts of new couples and sunset beers. I walk into a district called Barranco. Cute stuff. Plaza with kids trying to kickflip. Starbucks bench wifi refuge. Walk and walk and walk. Spend the afternoon walking with headphones in. Junip. Acid flashbacks from walking around for hours at Fest. If there can be a few things said about Lima it’s 1) they love horns 2) they don’t seem to be afraid to kill pedestrians 3) they love 90’s rock. I return to the hostel in the evening. Fingers creep to the old Tinder. I message a girl. Veronica. Artsy and cute instragram. We meet up. Super adorable (cis) woman. Architect. University teacher. Knows how to talk shit. Suddenly there’s a table of empty beer bottles and the bar is closed. She recommends Cuban rum and absinthe back at her place. I oblige. Shit housed youtube music video showdown. I kiss her face. We fall into her bed.
Fri 11/6 - Mon 11/9
The next handful of days are the kind where you spend days pressed and tied under sheets while the nights sort of dilate and succumb to the impermeable bubble of reckless ecstasy that you’ve sealed around you and another person. Everything outside of the bubble is just scenery. It’s a surrendering of will and reason to allow for the flood of chemicals that leave us blind, complete, and able to propagate. It is terrifying and beautiful and is why I much prefer to allow myself to do it on the road because I just can’t handle that shit in real life.
Of notable things that happened. 1) We went to a tourist club where I was shown that, no shit, gringos are the only ones who raise their hands above their heads while dancing. 2) Drunk, Veronica knocks on a random door, and to my surprise a head pops out and gives a nod. We enter a room of 50 peruvians smoking and drinking. We are quickly approached by a man on so much cocaine the veins are almost fully exiting his forehead. Veronica’s friend seems like he wants to fight him. Shit tanked, I think to myself, if he fights him, I’m going to fight him, not because I had a chance in hell, but because it was the only thing I could do. Coke guy reaches into his wallet and shows us a picture of him and the president of Peru. 3) in the morning in the shower Veronica soaped me up while literally at the same time talking shit about gringos, 4) Sunday we went to her best friend’s house for “lunch” which meant non-stop drinking beers and talking shit and making a huge meal of Civiche, etc and saying grace to Jesus who was the guy at the tienda who sold us all of the beer. We had a pull up contest while listening to PUP. Lunch ended around midnight.
Tues 11/10 - Ica & Huacachina
Bus. Coastal sand barren landscape for four hours. Arrive to Ica. Dirty and loud. Find young terrified German girls getting off bus. We taxi to Huacachina. Arrive by night. Cheap hostel for like $6. Bummed immediately. Tourist oasis made up of scattered couples making out. Everything is in English. German girls are boring. Talk to American dude and Switz girl who are boring. Pass out.
Wed 11/11
Wake up and head immediately outside. Sun blaring. Can’t see. Make out yellow skies. Not skies. Huuuge mounds of yellow sand oppose blue sky and surround this town like a bowl. People are walking the ridges with sleds. I freak out. Snowbromode. Find American guy I hated and switz girl and tell them we have to get snowboards immediately. Find the best boards in town. Haggle. Less than $10. Hike Sahara postcard scenery. Pristine wrinkled sand blowing into beautifully edged spines and spires. Strap in. Nose down. Shred. It’s sooo fast. The feeling is of heavy powder and supports long drawn turns. Get to the base. Wipe out because wax wears quick. Sand absolutely everywhere. Go to bar. Bar has a pool. Brush off about 60% of sand and jump in pool. Beers. Refreshed. Repeat.
After a very long and burnt day of this the three of us retire for drinks. Drinks become many. I go in and plan to meet back up with them. Only American guy comes. We go to some random outskirts hostel bar. I run out of money. There are no ATMS. Have no money to get back into town. I don’t want to drink with this guy but I need to buy him a beer so he can pay me in cash. Another bar. Credit card minimum. I’m hammered. This dude finds coke. I start to hate this guy. He is calling some guys shirt gay and some lady a slut. I have to get out. Too drunk. Pound the drinks. Take the money. Run back spinning into my hostel. Pass out.
PS - it seems exclusively shitty people of the US are fucking up everything for us in other countries. Please travel.
Thurs 11/12
Wake up. So fucking sick. Room smell like baby powder. Have to get out. Can’t stand up without wanting to puke. Sit in a chair outside for about 3 hours. Remember I had eaten nothing the night before. Finally muster strength for breakfast. OJ, tea, water, bread, jam. Take me an hour to get through it. Curse the shitty American. No WiFi for bus. Just decide to taxi back to Ica and figure out a bus. Get thrown around different bus lines trying my best to speak. Find one. The actual bus is way across town. Make it. Seventeen hour bus ride to Cusco. Pay the extra $10 for presidential giant lazy boy chairs. Room is a fucking oven. Don’t sleep. Wah.
